what a day yesterday mam...i feel like im dying inside...my kids have been so strong for me, especially emma..im so proud of them mam..its not getting easier yet...when will it??..everyone says it will but its not..but i have good support mam...and im trying, today im not as bad..but i know in my heart it wont last. when we were younger u were the person everyone went to if they had a problem cos u knew always what to do...so what do i do now mam??...im 50 and i feel like a child wanting my mother!!...ill get there mam..i promise i will,..give me time...hope u are watching from wherever u are , vodka in one hand..spliff in the other...smiling and saying.."look i can lift my arms".. i love u my wonderful beautiful precious mother...only a heart beat away..see u in my dreams.... trudy xxxxxxxxxx