hiya mam...its been a while...its 3am and i cant sleep...im thinking of you....how i wish i could come and see you, ask your advise, tell you i need you...i look at your photo every day mam...i talk to you, ask you to let me know your still with me. im getting stronger but i still have my bad days...today being one of them...i dont really know why. im going back to work on monday...i dont want to...but i guess i must at some point...i drive passed the road that led to your care home and i look down it every time..and just want to go and see you...to hold your hand...take you outside for a cig...pin your hair out of your eyes...moan at the smoke when you blow it my way...haha....id do anything mam...just to see you one more time... yes its got easier....but i never forget...not once...do i forget you...emma told you tonys going to be a daddy,...he'll be a good dad...hes a good man mam...so proud of him. and my 2 girls emma and nicola...what can i say mam...they make me swell with pride...as emma says...they rock my world!! sean is still the love of my life...wish youd still be here when one day he marrys me..you always said we would get married didnt you!! hope your happy wherever you are...hope you can see me and hear me when i talk to you...is it you who leaves me the white feathers every now and then i wonder?? i love you my mother...my everything....see you in my dreams...xxxxxxxxxx